Since I have become sick, there is not a day that passes that I do not “grieve” for the person I once was. I used to be full of energy and highly organized. Now, I am no more than what feels like a walking zombie at times. I have never been so depressed in all of my life. I have had so many very scary things happen to my body such as breathing issues, feeling of passing out, extreme urge to urinate, unexplained rashes and hives, mental fog, mouth sores, unexplained jabbing pains, extreme fatigue to where I can barely function for days at a time, vaginal dryness to the point that I can barely touch myself without creating what feels like paper cuts. Needless to say my husband has been without sex for many months now and that has a way of making me feel like less than a woman. I have prayed daily that I will wake up tomorrow and all this will have been nothing but a bad dream. I could count on my hands how many times I’ve left my home this past year. I’m petrified of being out somewhere and not being able to breathe. It has happened and I feel like everyone is watching and I’m trying to hide my condition. Recently, my husband has lost many hours at work and I feel like nothing more than a burden to him. I cry all the time. It’s hard not to wonder why he’s still with me. I would also like to add that I suffer from extreme dry eye and blurry vision on a regular basis. There are days that my eyes are so blurry I can not read, let alone feel safe to drive. The dry eye condition at times feels painful as if I have grains of sand in my eyes that just won’t go away. I find myself using eye drops and rubbing my eyes until they are sore. I would give most ANYTHING if I could be the person that I was 3 years ago before I was diagnosed with autoimmune disease.

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