April 6th, 2017

What do you do when you just want to break down screaming because you wonder why it is so difficult for there to be effective treatments and cures for these diseases? Break down and cry and scream and yell and fall to pieces……. Especially when you hear the insensitivities come out of the mouths of so many people that say “there is too much money caught up in chronic illness for them to find a cure.” I wonder what goes on through people’s minds as they say that to someone with an illness? Are they completely ignorant? Are they so satisfied with their lack of having an illness that they simply don’t care about the affects of their words on other people?

No one, unless you have an autoimmune disease has any idea how this feels. To have my body screaming at me to get my attention for the last 6 years and only in the last few months have I finally been recognized and received a diagnosis. Only to receive another one two days ago. And to be put on the drug I dreaded. The drug that causes heart disease, osteoporosis and screws up a thousand other things in my body. Great. Here we are. We waited. We waited until it was bad enough. Bad enough to let me sit in pain, not recognizing it for me to finally put me on terrible medication. Im angry. I’m sad. I feel let down. I feel afraid. Is this “doing no harm”. Allowing someone to suffer in physical pain so long because medical criteria has been deemed the only thing as fact? (This is not directed at my Rheumatologist 🙂 ).

Autoimmunity. What is the common denominator? What is the root cause? What Is it that is making this happen that my body suddenly forgot how to see it as friend instead of foe? Why  does one diagnosis seem to come with another? It is more than clear that it’s all connected. So why has it yet to be figured out. Why have Lupus received one FDA approved drug in 50 years? AND ITS STILL HARMFUL. And why have none of the other 80+ diseases really been addressed? Why? The statistics say people die from heart disease, kidney disease cancer, etc. In the list of the top ten. What they don’t tell you is that many of that is a result of autoimmune diseases and the medications people take for them. Figure.It.Out.

Why would one doctor immediately diagnosis me with something when another waited years to? How do I even know which is real? What is the real diagnosis? Who do I trust? I understand the conservative route. Why would one just immediately slap a diagnosis on me without further testing for this specific disease? Why would I show my doctors my symptoms and to some they were deemed “all in my head.” What do you say to someone who was wrong this whole time in their expertise that THEY WERE WRONG? Do no harm. Perhaps that should be taken another look at.

And whyyyyyyyy…….would all of this happen at this exact moment in my life. My world has been betrayed from every angle in this moment in my life. The pieces. Too many. And then to deal with this. At the same time. I’m trying to see God in all of this. I am weary. I’m not the only one. If you read these, call it self-pity from your own ego state. You have know idea. Find ways to be a better human being and contribute to your fellow human beings. Life……take it for granted………rude awakenings will happen. Take care of your precious life.

I intend for this to bring in millions of dollars for cures and better treatments. I refuse to succumb to some bullshit disease. I absolutely refuse.