May 25th, 2017

Sitting here. Patiently waiting since 7pm to meet with someone who may or may not allow us to put a mural on the side of their building that has been so kindly gifted to us to raise donations for our researchers. An underground movement that gives back by painting murals dedicated to specific causes and each time someone takes a picture with the mural, this movement donates a dollar to the cause. In this situation would be to our researchers. Waiting, patiently for hours knowing very well I may get turned down. But as I waited until midnight, I thought to myself. Am I doing too much? Am I trying to control a situation that I cannot control? Am I trying to force something that is not mine to force? Am I being impatient or proactive? The answer. I was enjoying myself. I could have sat there, impatiently waiting. Getting frustrated, getting upset. Thinking this isn’t going to work……and at one point my mind was flooded with the thought……I hate Lupus. What has this done to my life. But it was fleeting. Because as stated in previous blogs it has given me so much purpose. Helped me tap into myself and tap out of the routine of going through the motions of a mediocre life. I quickly diverted to my perspective and enjoyed the live music that was being played. Enjoyed the overflow of nostalgia of my youth when I used to come to 6ht street and have fun times with friends, appreciated that I could sit at a bar and not drink and instead be by myself and feel content with that. Not worrying if others were wondering why I was alone, not feeling self conscious, but reflecting and yet being in the moment. Feeling the dry air and cool breeze and knowing that this is self-care coupled with a purpose driven life. I wasn’t miserable. I was happy that I was being proactive and at the same time taking care of myself. I picked up Erik Wahl’s book “Unthink” and began to re-read it and tap into the creativity and imagination he speaks of that we so often loose from childhood as we get conditioned and to tap back into that and find your inner creativity. Had I planned my life to be some sort of spokesperson for autoimmune diseases, absolutely not. However, I see it as a positive. It has given me the gift to tap into my playfulness and creativity to see life as I once did, before conditioning, before all the things that held me back and pushes me instead to live in the moment, without fear, without shame and lead a life of creativity and giving back that brings me so much joy actually. These are small steps to a greater future. Patience. Not failures should things not follow through. So long as I stay focused on who I am and what I am doing and remain faithful to myself, i can thrive. We can thrive.

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